One door shuts, the other opens

Hmm... college life? Not gonna post any pictures with it... Too complicated that so many frames is enough to compose a video!

It was not my happiest time in my life yet the most fulfilling. Ups and countless downs, even till the last day.. Hmm.. Know I know why my cousin will say that college will be the most difficult time of our lives, and even uni life is not comparable with it.. Hmm.. I guess it means in personal development sense but not academically wise perhaps?

First semester  was OK... dug a whole among the books and shove my head in it... but that only lasts for 3 months, went flirty and crazy for a girl then... It was back then when I realise how "retarded" I am, getting furious and paranoid for little things and screw up everything... someone stepped in and I though I could divert myself, baking cheesecake in a near-impossible environment, yes, the jungle and ended up seeing that person holding someone else's hand after a semester break when I bought the sushi that she wanted.... and yeah, when you're in the so-called emotional crisis and there's a friend there for you, and also in an so-called emotional crisis too, you'll tend to cling on her and without realising again that you've actually thrown yourself, I mean myself into another deep cliff again. Doing what I call the craziest things in life, searching for places that she wanted to go in the middle of the night which is like 50 miles away from where you're living, crossing the college field deep in the middle of the night just to get her a bottle of chicken essence in hope to boost her concentration for three papers on the following day, bought a rose out of nowhere, this that this that... but things never always work regardless how stupid you've made yourself into of even you've walked a hundred miles. No wonder I nearly failed my chemistry paper; never comprehend that only the right chemicals will cause a desired outcome in an "experiment". But I'm lucky to still have her as a friend regardless of how paranoid and annoying I am.

When someone tells you that she is going to prom together with other friends as a group, believe them and you'll know that in the end she'll just bring another guy, you might know it or not, that's not the issue, but soon you'll realise how far you are from where that guy stands. In simpler terms, you're not as good as him. End. I've learnt not to ask why, for there is no point doing so, makes things worse. I've learnt how to keep my head high and smile with it. And even if you have a date, it doesn't mean that you're gonna have a perfect night to end college life. Things change, people change, everything is unpredictable. You might be amazed after you spend so much effort for the night, getting the right shirt, ironed it to perfection, search through the lanes for a corsage, and try to be there on time, things go wrong. Her boyfriend came, which she claimed she didn't know about it and.. surprise.. Corsage was sent but thrown by someone, didn't want to talk to her as in mind fear that things might get worse in such an "unpredictable" event, and one thing that I did wrongly was condemning bout it using harsh words, even if the post was not directed to anybody and it lasts merely a few hours in the internet, it's like dropping an atomic bomb when you're mad, things get destroyed, affected not only two people, but people around you as well. People change the way they look at you or you even think twice when you think of yourself. That is the most disasterous way to end college life.. Hmm... something to learn about. Thank god this did happen now rather than in the future.

Stepping off the edge

Sometimes when too much is pushing you beyond your boundary, when there is too much that you've lost, when you're surrounded by frustration, anger, disappointed, confusion, sadness, emptiness..... You just feel like leaving everything behind and move on, letting yourself fall off the edge and feel the speed, feel the wind, excitement and unknown.

I'm just too tired changing and making things around me just like how I want. I hoped I was God, saving my friend from losing his life, I hoped I was God, getting whatever I want, making people around happy without upsetting myself, I hope I was God, full of inspirations to create things demanded in life, I hope I was God, and I hoped life is just as I want... But sooner or later I realized that I can't change even a damn thing in life. It's what they call destiny, it's what they call arranged. I'm tired, physically, mentally, gasping for air, clearing my mind and look as far as possible to figure out what will be going on next. 

If it's a marathon, I would rather quit, for I know it takes more than what I can endure to reach the endpoint. 

They said there's always a step back from the edge. I know. And now I've no idea whether to smile, to cry or give no expression. All is coming at the same time, and I'm me, I don't have three faces to show all. 

Perhaps it's just another one of the moments where I'm lost in life, where confusion surrounds. I know I must move on, but for the moment I'll be sitting by the edge, until I figure out what to do next. 

Another rest, perhaps longer than what I need. Just need to put myself in other world, as easy as said by her. It's all just dreams, barely dreams 

It just takes a little longer~

Sometimes things just take a little longer to be perfect... just like the diamond...

Heat, pressure and and a long long time makes this stone precious and stronger than any other stones and the precise cuts by workers made it sparkle, in any angle... so bright, so gorgeous.

Life is like trying and error, intense pressure and hard tasks just make us stronger, and the right person like the workers just make it more precious and meaningful, and shine forever.

I might not buy you this stone now, nor I am one of them, but I hope you're just the right person, ready to polish my life, ready to to cut every perfect angle, and shine for the rest of my life

I did it!! =)

hip hip horray!!! I made it... never thought I will!! =)

Two weeks, even days, used to be very long for me, somehow the feeling within me will explode and I'll go out of control... But now, I managed to control my own emotion! I know when to feel bad and when to set myself free and indulge in that very moment without thinking that it would be better in some other ways...

2 weeks, not really productive... spent most of the tiime eating, but most important of all, I made myself happy... drew a few and painted... still a long way to go for my portfolio... hopefully I can manage to finish at least 5 more paintings, 2 more paper cuttings, few more sketches and build at least one model, complete with render using SketchUp and Photoshop, which means I need my PC in my college!!!

Haha... gonna build my own studio in that very small bubble and enjoy the solitude...

Squeezing the best out of the last few days of holidays... Sunday will be for preparation, but tomorrow i'll just go bowling with my buddy, have a nice lunch and come back to continue with my work, then saturday I'll be going to an open house, then rush all the way down to Melaka for dinner with the smart, pretty and gorgeous senior before she leaves for Cambridge... Gonna be rushing back to KL and be sent back into the jungle the next afternoon..

Everything is gonna be alright and I just love my life! I did it!!!

Dawn !!

I love waking early in the morning, going to the veranda and take a deep breathe of the fresh morning air, listening to the busy chirping of the birds and indulge myself in the beautiful colors of the dawn.

I feel fresh, calm and that is all that takes to kick start for a new day. Everything left behind yesterday will be only memory.

"Stop putting yourself in the past and move on!", that's what she told me. All these while I've been putting myself in the past, even if I'm already in the future. Thinking back what happened before and wish that those mistakes were never made or wish that those good days will last time today and forever is just a waste of time and energy. for times I'm emotional looking back, but there's nothing else that I can do... So, she's right, we've to move on. Time still runs, earth still rotates and people are continuing with their life, so what for pausing or bringing back ourselves to the past?

My dad told me even the longest night will have its dawn, the coldest winter will have its spring. Hard times in life never last long and good times will come, vice versa.

Hope for a better future, work for a better future and MOVE ON !!!

Movie

Life is like a movie, the only difference with the movie is we don't know when it started and when it will end.

It is spontaneous, and everything we do, either prepared or not, will definitely be part of our life. There's neither undo nor reverse. So play every part of our life the best, live to the fullest and give the best you can. Always pick yourself up when you fall and keep climbing. 

Nobody knows what will be the next script, nobody knows the next destination, nobody knows when will we reach the final destination, and never try to be clever that you know, 'cause only God knows when.

Always give ourself the chance to perform the best, so that when we look back, there will be no regret as we know we've tried our best =)....

Muhibah please!!!

First people torched the church, now people want to burn the Quran, what's up next? World War 3?

Why people have problems with races, religions and colours? Everyone is unique, has his own advantages and weaknesses, so why not everyone come together and spice up the world with something great? Like the spices above, the taste of only one sucks, maybe, but when every of them come together in a dish, it is just simply awesome! 

Lay your ego low, forget bout the past, forgive the mistakes that we all made and why not start with a new chapter? It costs nothing at all! If we're able to open our eyes wide enough to observe, sometimes racial and religion issues are ignited by politicians and irresponsible people as a ploy to deceive the people and achieve their objective, money and power most of the time. There's no problem with the race, there's no problem with the religion, the only problem is the behaviour and attitude of the particular person! You can't simply accuse all Colombians to be drug mafias, all Germans to be Nazis right? 

Whatever you do, think of peace and always prepare to forgive, and soon you'll give yourself a harmony life! Oh ya, and please, don't leave anymore carbon footprint, for God's sake...